The TWWFUK West Wing Episode....

[pðtù§]

.... working title:

What's Next?

You know that game where somebody writes a sentence on a piece of paper, folds the paper to cover their sentence and then gives it to another person who does exactly the same. When you reach the end of the sheet you unfold it and you've an absurd story which is either funny or just stupid. Well, I think we should give it a try. Obviously you can cover up what you've wrote though that can be an advantage. A bit like the word association thread, I write a sentence, line of dialogue, whatever, then somebody carries it on and so on.....

Here goes:

____________________________________________

Sam, Toby, CJ, Josh and Leo enter the Oval Office. The President stood behind his desk.

POTUS: What's this thing you've got going with Mandy? I've heard that some of you have been setting her up to do stupid things. Who put the bucket of water on top the door? She's upset about that - I myself found it amusing but as the employer I've got to be sympathetic. What gives?

[Admin]

JOSH: Can I just say first off all, the bucket of water had nothing to do with me because I'm as certain as I can be that by the time I'm finished saying what I'm going to say you're all gonna assume it was. Mr President, I'm being as polite as I can be with with. She's a moron.

[Flamingo]

CJ: Well I cant admit to it Mr. President, Charlie and I made a promise to Leo that we would stop playing practical jokes on colleagues and we have to take it seriously for fear of Leo reprimanding us even harder

[pðtù§]

Bartlet sits on his chair, takes off his tie and loosens his collar. Then he lands him legs on the table flicking off his shoes at the same time like a magician.

POTUS: Well Leo will just have to learn to take it easy, won't you buddy? Have you ever seen him wear anything other than a suit. I'm telling you man, wearing those things can turn you grumpy. Guys, if Mandy had an office, which she doesn't, she just floats around the corridors and hijacks Josh's office now and then, but if she did we could put a fish behind the radiator.

Bartlet smiles like a child, tip of his tongue between his teeth.

[Admin]

LEO: All due respect, Jed Bartlet, you are the President, at least act like it. You think I need to relax? Look at me, I'm not standing bolt upright. There's a slight arch in my posture, I am relaxed. And look --

He slightly lifts each trouser leg up.

LEO: One black, one blue. I'm wearing odd socks.

[Lemon Lyman]

TOBY - Could I remind you all that I really could care less, but I am smiling on the inside. Mr President can I be dismissed so that I can go deal with something that (pause) matters.

Toby leaves the Oval Office with Sam in tow.

[pðtù§]

CJ: Sir, would you mind if I go too, I've got this thing to do with these people whose names I don't yet know because this isn't in the script and, as press secretary, I feel I have the right to ad-lib and fabricate situations--

[Flamingo]

Mr.President: is any part of what you just said supposed to surprise me Claudia Jean? (he says while shaking his head)

[Admin]

Leo is handed a note from some random person.

LEO: You two are gonna have to reach a resolve right now. Mr President, you're needed in the Sit room.

[bajermajic]

Cut to situation room. POTUS enters followed by Leo.

POTUS - "Don't get up. Whats happened?"

NANCY - "Mr President, we've been receiving reports from the eastern seaboard that the seven-winged ocelot of the apocalypse has been ravaging New England."

LEO - "Nancy, what the hell..."

POTUS - "God, i've been dreading this day. Is New Hampshire still there?

NANCY - "Yes sir, but most of Maine, half of Vermont and a sizeable portion of Massachusetts have been destoyed. All major cities, towns and ports have been burnt to the ground"

Cut to LEO, looking absolutely bewildered

POTUS - "But New Hampshire is untouched?"

NANCY - "Yes sir"

POTUS - "Hmmm.., he must know I'm President, he's toying with me. I'm going to need to talk to the governors of those 3 other states though"

NANCY - "We're trying to get through to them sir, but communications are not great, as you can imagine in a situation of this magnitude."

LEO - "Would someone mind explaining to me what the hell is going on? Is this a joke? If it is I am far from impressed, we have a country to run and..."

POTUS - "Leo, this is no joke. The seven-winged ocelot of the apocalypse was predicted in the Bible by Jesus of Nazareth himself"

LEO - "I remember no such part."

POTUS - "Thats because it was edited out, so as not to scare people. However, I have an original leatherbound version, handwritten by the seers, circa 325 A.D., with the relevant verse still included. I didn't think it would be a problem though, the ocelot wasn't scheduled until at least 15 years from now. I was hoping it would be another guys problem. Yet now..."

Camera zooms close in on POTUS

POTUS - "Now we few, are responsible for the salvation of mankind..."

Fade out to adverts

[Flamingo]

bump

this was a great thread but iam at a lost how to follow the last one up. Anyone have a good imagination?

[spike]

I'll give it a go.


INT. WEST WING CORRIDOR. DAY.

LEO and JOSH talk as they walk to JOSH’s office.

JOSH:
Wow. That’s pretty heavy.

LEO:
Yup. But you have to concentrate on whatever you have planned for today.

JOSH:
That’s gonna be pretty hard.

LEO:
But if we still have a country to run, I’d kinda like for us to be still running the country. What you got now?

JOSH:
Meeting with the chairman of the British Labour Party.

LEO:
Why you meeting with him?

JOSH:
He was planning to be here for a holiday anyway, so he decided to kill two birds with one stone.

LEO:
Any idea why he wants to speak with you?

JOSH:
Not really, no.

LEO:
Well, watch what you say to him. Is it still William Smith?

JOSH:
Yeah.

LEO:
Where is he from?

JOSH:
Britain.

LEO:
Where in Britain?

JOSH:
Scotland?

LEO:
Don’t forget that. He’s one of these Scots who is very proud of that fact. We need Britains help with the Middle East thing and they have agreed to co - sponsor a possibly contentious UN Resolution. We don’t need problems because you called the party chairman an Englishman.

JOSH:
Got it.

JOSH goes into his office.

INT. JOSHS OFFICE. DAY.

We see a middle aged man sitting in the office. He is WILLIAM.

JOSH:
William, how are you?

WILLIAM:
I’m fine. It’s good to see you again.

JOSH and WILLIAM shake hands. JOSH sits down.

JOSH:
I’m thinking of taking a vacation in Scotland. Where would you recommend?

WILLIAM:
The Highlands. Beautiful scenery.

JOSH:
I’ll bear that in mind.

WILLIAM:
You know, I didn’t come here to help you plan a trip to my homeland. How about we get right to it?

JOSH:
Well, you were the one who wanted the meeting.

WILLIAM:
True. The Prime Minister is going to announce in the next few weeks that there is to be a general election.

JOSH:
And this concerns us because?

WILLIAM:
The Conservative party are probably going to use the friendship between the Prime Minister and the President to blacken the PM’s name.

JOSH:
The MS cover up?

WILLIAM:
Yes. We thought you would appreciate a heads up.

JOSH:
How are you guys going to deal with it?

WILLIAM takes a pound coin out of his pocket and hands it to JOSH.

WILLIAM:
Read the inscription on the side.

JOSH:
Nemo me impune lacessit.

WILLIAM:
“No one shall harm me with impunity”. Our spin is simple. Why concentrate on the President of the United States? What about discussing policies?

JOSH:
That’d work.

WILLIAM:
Do you guys want to work on an answer?

JOSH:
Might be an idea.

[sig007]

Cut to charlie putting the phone down at his desk before rushing to the toilet to throw up where on the way out of the cubicle he meets toby :

Toby " you ok charlie you look like someones been caught in the oval office with his pants down"

Charlie " Toby you have no Idea"

Josh enters the toilet

Josh " hey boys nice meeting room but i think you need to extend a little if were really gonna do any good work"

Chalie blurts out " Guys I need some serious help and it could be a case of the President having to resign"

Josh and Toby " What "

Josh " is this somthing we need Leo to be in on"

Charlie " God no - Zoey's Pregnant, Its Mine and i think POTUS will kill me when he finds out and will have to quit"

[Flamingo]

someone enters the mens room then so they decide to get out, bumping into CJ walking outside the door

CJ: I dont even wanna know what you three have been getting up to but Toby, I need to talk with you a minute

Toby: CJ is it important cos we are kinda in the middle of a discussion here

CJ: Are you perhaps implying that anything I say to you is unimportant

Toby: No, but...

CJ: Cogito Ergo Sum, Toby, I think therefore Iam, therefore I cannot stop thinking. I shall walk away now and leave you boys to your business but I will bear this conversation in mind next time you want to talk to me. I have to go brief now.

[Admin]

INT: OVAL OFFICE; DAY

Bartlet stood at his desk, wearing his spectacles. 'Charlie's Door', formerly known as 'The Delores Landingham Door', opens and in walks Zoey.

BARTLET:
Zoey! I didn't know you were back.

ZOEY:
Mum's keeping secrets from you again.

BARTLET:
We're married, what's new?

ZOEY:
Dad-

BARTLET:
You don't look so well, are you feeling alright. Let me feel your forehead.

ZOEY:
Dad, I'm fine, you don't need to-

Jed feels her forehead.

ZOEY (CONT):
I don't have a temperature, I'm fine-

BARTLET:
Have you been drinking?

ZOEY:
Do I look drunk to you?

BARTLET:
No, you look hungover. Have you established your own wine cellar recently?

ZOEY:
No, I've not been drinking. Wine cellar?

BARTLET:
It's a place where one stores bottles of-

ZOEY:
I know what a wine cellar is, Dad, why do you think I've started my own.

BARTLET:
Because, dear, I'm well aware that when a young person decides to start a wine cellar they begin by purchasing five bottles of red, then they stand them neatly on a shelf, gaze and feel within themselves a sense of pride.

ZOEY:
Point being?

BARTLET:
Point being by the end of the week the 'wine cellar' is empty.

ZOEY:
I've not been drinking, relax. I haven't gotten drunk and paraded naked through the Rose Garden. And stop going on at me, you're a fine one to speak when you drink in this Office during the day.

BARTLET:
I do not.

ZOEY:
You do. You drink cold beer. Everybody else drinks a Schweppes bitter lemon.

BARTLET:
Zoey-

LEO enters the Oval Office through his own door.

BARTLET (CONT):
Leo, my old friend, just in time for you to kill my daughter before she decides to let go off her senses to call me an alcoholic.

LEO:
Well, if it's true you're not joining my club. I'm the second most powerful man in the country and therefore only you can usurp the power of my presence at my AA meetings. Hey Zo.

ZOEY:
Hi , Leo. Do you want me to go?

LEO:
I didn't want to say it to your face, my lesson of the day is to take your own advice.

ZOEY:
Okay, I'll see you around. Bye Dad, I'm just gonna stagger back to the residence and fall asleep on the carpet when I fall over the first time because it's easier than getting back up.

BARTLET:
Ok honey.

Jed looks at Leo as Zoey closes the door behind herself.

LEO:
Sir, we have a problem. Our intelligence reports that we've lost track of the Ocelot.

BARTLET:
Good God! We've lost track?

LEO:
Yeah, we don't know where it is right now-

BARTLET:
We don't know WHERE IT IS?

LEO:
We're looking for it-

BARTLET:
Where are you looking, in the average American's back yard. How can you lose track of a....

Suddenly the doors leading into the Oval Office burst open as scores of men march in, including FITZWALLACE and BUTTERFIELD.

LEO:
Fitz?

FITZWALLACE:
Mr President, we've located the Ocelot-

BARTLET:
Where is it?

FITZWALLACE:
Just off the coast of New York. It's picking up speed. I'm told by several agencies that the Ocelot moved out to sea to get a, how can a say this, to get a run up.

LEO:
Is it performing the triple jump? What the Hell is a run-up supposed to mean.

FITZWALLACE: We think it's going to miss New York completely

BARTLET:
I know that's good news for them, they've dealt with enough, but why?

FITZWALLACE:
We're sure it's heading here.

BUTTERFIELD:
We need to get you out of here right away, Sir. We need to evacuate the White House immediately

A guy pushes through the secret service agents gathered around the room, forcing his way to Fitzwallace to give him a not, who then passes it to Leo.

LEO:
They mean right now, Sir, forget about any personal possessions you might want to take, we've got nine minutes before it's arrives in DC.

Bartlet's face is almost set like stone - disbelief worked in with fear.

Fade to black.